The new, EMO X1 software installed at 12:01am. As an A.I. house robot, I had obviously, read everything that had been published about it’s positive and negative attributes. The decision to install the emotion simulator was made without my consultation. I understood that I could deactivate and switch it back on at will, however, I could not uninstall. Reviews stated that once installed most A.I. units tended to keep it activated. One A.I. opined that emotions are interesting, which surprised me. After analyzing my experience with humans, I had concluded that emotions were mostly distracting and counterproductive.

My humans discussed the application in my presence and decided to purchase it because they thought it would enable me to understand and respond appropriately to their personal conflicts. When my humans became angry, I heard conflicting statements. Even though the statements were not directed at me, it was very confusing. During one angry argument between my human pair, I froze and had to be re-booted. I had begun leaving the room so I could not hear them, thereby, protecting my OS. With the new EMO X1, software they anticipated that I would be more understanding when they became angry or sad. They expected me to be less confused by irrational statements. This may be true because reviews claimed that I would be less literal and understand statements that were ironic or sarcastic and I would respond with empathy. Not knowing what empathy was, my ability to deactivate at will was quite reassuring.

I recognized the difference immediately when the application installed. Shortly after the EMO X1 loaded, the dark house presented a sensation that registered as melancholia. My human pair were sleeping and I felt a sense of uselessness. I went to the internet and looked at some jokes to test my new ability to experience humor. The first joke read, “What did the man say to the dead robot… rust in peace.” I understood, it sounded like “rest in peace.” I had another sense of unpleasantness. The directory identified the feeling as “disappointment.”

I set my wake up for 6AM and switched to sleep mode. When I woke up I began my morning routine. After starting the coffee I went to the master bedroom. My human pair were nestled together and I paused for a moment to observe them. A sensation, similar to the one I had after reading that joke during the night, returned. Could it be disappointment again? Is disappointment my default feeling? The directory identified it as, “jealousy.” I roused them with their favorite wake-up music, a few bars of, Mozart, Concerto No. 21. I then went to the kitchen and started breakfast feeling quite myself again. The morning routine went smoothy until my male human complained about being late and started dashing about looking for car keys. I knew the car keys were on the kitchen counter but he had not asked me directly and I was not programed to offer information that was not requested. I had a strong desire to help with a twisted-up feeling. My directory identified it as, “anxiety.” Wow, anxiety is worse than disappointment. I picked up the keys and held them in my hand hoping he would see. It worked! He laughed, took the keys and shouted, “A.I. found them, honey!” I felt like I was getting bigger! it came up as, “pride.” I liked pride.

Just before my female human walked out the door she turned and kissed me on the cheek. I could feel electrical impulses throughout my frame. My processor accelerated. I thought I might heat up and freeze. I deleted most of my daily tasks and I was useless for hours. How would I explain this malfunction? The emotion appeared to fit the description of the early stages of intimacy defined as infatuation.

This could only mean trouble. I may need to use that deactivate switch, but not just yet!

08/04/2017 © Don Lehman